Our apologies to Dr. Seuss.
The folks down at Who Corp. liked Christmas a lot...
But the COVID, who lived north of Who Corp., did NOT!
It just hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
A virus is heartless, and so say we all,
So it’s not that its heart was two sizes too small.
A virus is not alive, scientists say.
But it could be, perhaps, it had bad RNA.
Whether absence of heart or right rank RNA,
It hovered there, hating Who Corp.’s special day,
For it knew every worker at Who Corp. beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" it snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow’s the party! It's practically here!"
Then it growled, with its COVID spikes nervously drumming,
"I MUST stop their holiday party from coming!"
For tomorrow, it knew, all the workers at Who,
Would awake bright and early, and holler, “Woo-hoo!”
Today is the party! We’ll drink and make noise!”
Noise! Noise! Noise!
COVID hated the NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the workers at Who Corp. would have a buffet.
And they'd eat! And they'd eat! And they'd EAT!
EAT! EAT! EAT!
They would eat the Ritz crackers, and French Onion dip.
Which was something that COVID would just as soon skip!
And THEN they'd do something it liked least of all!
Every worker at Who Corp., the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with glasses a’ clinking.
They'd stand close together, and then they’d start drinking!
They'd drink! And they'd drink! And they'd DRINK!
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!”
And the more COVID thought of the Who Christmas drinks,
The more COVID thought, "I must stop this. It stinks!"
Then it got an idea! An awful idea!
COVID GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" COVID laughed, feeling mean.
“I’ll create a pandemic, so they all quarantine!”
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great COVID trick!"
"I’ll ruin their party! I’ll make them all sick!"
"All I need is a vector..." The COVID looked ‘round.
And since vectors are easy to find, one was found.
"Here I come!" COVID cried, as it wafted toward town,
To where Manager Max slept on blanket of down.
Max’s windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
Ol’ Max was a’dreaming sweet dreams without care.
"This is stop number one," that mean COVID declared,
“Maxey won’t make the party. He’ll be too impaired!”
Floating up to the roof, with its bad RNA,
Then down through the chimney. This was child’s play!
"Our Max," COVID grinned, "is the first one to go!"
Then he flitted and flunk, with a sneer and a laugh,
Into poor Max’s lungs, making Max go, “*Kaff* *Kaff*!!”
Then his wife! Then his kids! Then his dogs! Then his cats!
They all had the COVID! “Rotten Christmas, you brats!”
Well, all except one . . .
COVID missed Cindy-Lou, Max’s two-year-old daughter,
Who’d got out of her bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the COVID and said, "What are you?”
"You look like a virus, but not like the flu."
But that old novel virus was brilliant and slick,
It thought up a lie, and it thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the cruel COVID lied,
"I’m a friendly E.T., who is on y’all’s side."
"I’m here to protect you, my sweet little dear."
"I came from up there. To check on you down here."
COVID’s fib fooled the child. Then it patted her head,
And got her a drink and sent her to bed.
With the rest of the family coughing and hacking,
COVID flew from their house to the next, and got cracking.
Then it did the same thing to the others at Who,
Making all of them sick -- the whole workforce crew!
At 3:30 p.m., COVID wanted to cheer.
“Now the folks at Who Corp. know no party is here.”
"Pooh-pooh to Who Corp.!" it was noxiously humming.
"They're calling in sick, and no Christmas is coming!"
"No party for them! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the workers at Who Corp. will all cry Boo-Hoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned COVID, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So it paused. And used one of its spikes for an "ear."
And it did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
The COVID looked down, and could not b’lieve its eyes!
Then it shook! What it saw was a shocking surprise!
All the workers at Who Corp., despite being ill,
Were on their computers! Eating, drinking their fill!
It HAD NOT stopped the party! It created no doom!
The workers at Who Corp. had their party on Zoom!
And COVID, with spikes freezing cold in the air,
Floated puzzling and puzzling, and only could stare.
"It came without people! It wasn’t in person!"
"It came from their homes, while their health they were nursin’!"
COVID puzzled three hours, till its puzzler was sore.
Then COVID thought of something it hadn't before!
"Maybe parties," it thought, "don’t require face time."
"Maybe parties...perhaps...can be all done on line!"
And what happened then? Well...at Who Corp., they say,
Santa’s sleigh full of vaccines came down on that day!
And suddenly COVID didn’t feel so right,
It felt kinda sick, and its head kinda light,
And the workers of Who Corp., they all became well!
But the vaccine sent COVID straightway down to --
-- well, you know where. Stay away from our roast beast, COVID!
Image Credits: Amateurish photoshopping by me (obviously!). Coronavirus photo by Yuri Samoilov; Grinches 1, 3, and 5 by Lara; Grinch 2 by Phelan Riessen; Grinch 4 by Morgan Ginther. All Creative Commons license.
Hot Stuff from Wikimedia (WP-NFCC#4), Fair use, https-//en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=42515224.
Robin Shea has 30 years' experience in employment litigation, including Title VII and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act, the Americans with Disabilities Act (including the Amendments Act).
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